The muddy brown floor. Sucking the joy from each footstep. A cave, that was my first impression of the loft. Not my color choice. And it's everywhere! Ugh.
I moved in. Planted my furniture. Tread for 2 years wrinkling my nose at the crudeness of the energy in that dirty dishwater color underfoot.
And then... I launched.
And oh, the gremlins in my head came out to play. But so did I.
Get small cans of paint. I don't have to commit to a gallon. I don't even have to commit to rolling the paint and dirtying a roller. Test. Play. Ragging a terracotta copper with ice blue. Swirling on top of the brown. How easy. It dries so fast. Wow... how instant the change can be! That terracotta color has too much salmon pink in it. Not the right color. What if I swirl a lot of the blue on top? I like that. That feels good. Freeform this swirl! Deeper here, lighter there. Get out my ya-yas on the floor ragging. Wow... I feel the YES coming to life. Maybe what it really needs is grey. How about black as a base coat? Too Miami Vice? Maybe midnight blue? Hmm.. but what about resale if they don't like the blue. What if I love it? It's just paint. It can be redone until it's YES, It's so FUN!
Each step, a step in finding the YES, the YUMMY. Each step a greater knowing of what is & isn't a YES.
In this moment.
Next year, who knows. Tomorrow, who knows. But for this moment, this is the truth of us. Where we are. Who we are.
And when we are fully expressing & living our YES, the next moment is truer. Closer to the next YES.
There are no mistakes.
Absorb that. Cellularly. Take it in. Breathe it.
I promise. It's the most liberating, energizing, terrifying, monstrous gift I have ever really given myself. There are no mistakes. Just greater knowing.